Sometimes two people will stand next to each other for fifteen years, both feeling out of place and alone, like no one gets them, and then one day, they look up at each other and say, “Oh, there you are.”
Responsive! That's who I'd like to be more of!!! But but but I really felt this piece re. So one, i hardly care about pleasure and utility in my friendships and it's only as an ameture adult that I'm realising how important that may be. And two, sometimes you're just different people y'know, like maybe the then you would not have recognised his "value" as a teen. You were q different person back then and so was he. And so I guess experience and time also plays a huge role here.
Agree. For me, rather than “misreading” the person, it’s more of “reading differently” now. I like how the author included that Proust’s quote on having new eyes. I can name several individuals from a decade ago whom I thought were good but boring people, so I didn’t consider them as potential friends. Now that I’m focused more on being with people whose values align with mine, I now know that my present version would love to chat with those individuals.
The line about treating others as unfinished resonates so deeply! I’ve been reflecting on my personal humility (lack thereof sometimes, really) as I get older and more world-weary. Lately I’m trying to cultivate an attitude of awe and gratitude—trying to keep in mind that I don’t, in fact know everything or to your point, everyone.
As someone who has always sought out friends of virtue, I felt seen and also had my awareness expanded while reading this piece. Thank you for sharing.
I liked the Helle story! I think trying to dissect friendships and in particular a specific friendship takes a lot of guts and patience. We may misread other and vice versa. If both want to make the effort to make a friendship strong and work then it works. And I dream of visiting Milos too.
I love this! I’ve been recently thinking a lot about friendships. I have a friend, my best friend, that has been my friend for over 50 years but there was probably a 15 year period we didn’t talk at all. We met when I was maybe 4 and she was 3 and we grew up together. After high schools our paths diverged and we went our separate ways for a couple of years and then our paths converged again and our friendship is completely different but so much stronger. Sometime I think it isn’t just that someone else is becoming but you are as well. I will have to ponder on this concept. My kids seem to be having such a harder time making friends these days than I remember having and I haven’t been able to articulate why I think that is! I don’t know if I feel that cancel culture has led to less tolerance for people in the becoming stage of life or what but it’s is causing my girls especially a lot of heartache.
Thank you. It’s comforting to know that so many of us are being met with the challenge of making real and keeping real friendships during this time period.
What makes it so difficult is because you’re not making deep connections you don’t realize others are going through the same thing. You feel it’s just you. The world is a very automated place nowadays and I’m hoping humanity figures out a way to circumvent that automation and still make the connections that are so vital to human life. Best of luck to your girls :)
I changed that sentence after I had hit publish because I was sitting around thinking, "I don't use enough comma splices." We do a lot of comma splices in Swedish and I love the effect, but it is, as far as I can tell, considered somewhat ungrammatical in English, so I've been reluctant to do it. But if I like them, I shouldn't let that stop me!
See the work of Indiana writer in the US, David Gay.
His work illustrates the beauty of comma-splices, which I have not heard of, not that term before anyhow, but already deeply respect its accuracy in movie-making.
Telling the story.
We think in capsuled layers. We speak this way too. English teaching in school tried to break us from it, but the study creative non-fiction, writing memoir, revives this dancing form, speaking to the reader, exactly as the art emerges from the source.
Lovely piece, reminded me of something I was going to write about (but don't feel the need to anymore). When I moved to the US at age 10, I sought friendship in those who had the same brown skin color. When that didn't work and I got a little older, I looked for those who had a shared immigrant experience. When that didn't work, I looked for a type of inner character. I think my final stage of evolution was finding people who were striving to be something despite their character.
such a thoughtfully written take on friendship & seeing people differently. i think to add on, sometimes ww ourselves need to be in a different space (maturity, life phase) to appreciate different friendships. oftentimes, we don’t give context & luck / chance enough credit when it comes to relationships. i.e. would i have truly bonded with that person to get past the superficiality if we had not been thrown together by complete chance into a class group
This is so wise. For the last many years people I valued self selected away. As a retired person knocking on 70, it’s not so easy to find friends. Though I found a very close friend at the phone store and later Weight Watchers! People are very busy these days and don’t have time for friendship. Thank you for this.
Lovely piece! My two cents, perhaps it really isn't about misreading people. But rather, aligning with them when you're both in the same season / phase in life. Not so much of a "Oh, there you are," but a "Oh, NOW, we're on the same boat!"
Responsive! That's who I'd like to be more of!!! But but but I really felt this piece re. So one, i hardly care about pleasure and utility in my friendships and it's only as an ameture adult that I'm realising how important that may be. And two, sometimes you're just different people y'know, like maybe the then you would not have recognised his "value" as a teen. You were q different person back then and so was he. And so I guess experience and time also plays a huge role here.
Agree. For me, rather than “misreading” the person, it’s more of “reading differently” now. I like how the author included that Proust’s quote on having new eyes. I can name several individuals from a decade ago whom I thought were good but boring people, so I didn’t consider them as potential friends. Now that I’m focused more on being with people whose values align with mine, I now know that my present version would love to chat with those individuals.
This was beautifully written, thank you! I love the notion of misreading people; I think it's such an important trap to be aware of.
This is too real
The line about treating others as unfinished resonates so deeply! I’ve been reflecting on my personal humility (lack thereof sometimes, really) as I get older and more world-weary. Lately I’m trying to cultivate an attitude of awe and gratitude—trying to keep in mind that I don’t, in fact know everything or to your point, everyone.
🥹✨
As someone who has always sought out friends of virtue, I felt seen and also had my awareness expanded while reading this piece. Thank you for sharing.
Bro never fails to cook
I liked the Helle story! I think trying to dissect friendships and in particular a specific friendship takes a lot of guts and patience. We may misread other and vice versa. If both want to make the effort to make a friendship strong and work then it works. And I dream of visiting Milos too.
I love this! I’ve been recently thinking a lot about friendships. I have a friend, my best friend, that has been my friend for over 50 years but there was probably a 15 year period we didn’t talk at all. We met when I was maybe 4 and she was 3 and we grew up together. After high schools our paths diverged and we went our separate ways for a couple of years and then our paths converged again and our friendship is completely different but so much stronger. Sometime I think it isn’t just that someone else is becoming but you are as well. I will have to ponder on this concept. My kids seem to be having such a harder time making friends these days than I remember having and I haven’t been able to articulate why I think that is! I don’t know if I feel that cancel culture has led to less tolerance for people in the becoming stage of life or what but it’s is causing my girls especially a lot of heartache.
Thank you. It’s comforting to know that so many of us are being met with the challenge of making real and keeping real friendships during this time period.
What makes it so difficult is because you’re not making deep connections you don’t realize others are going through the same thing. You feel it’s just you. The world is a very automated place nowadays and I’m hoping humanity figures out a way to circumvent that automation and still make the connections that are so vital to human life. Best of luck to your girls :)
That frog is really me cracking me up xD
Also: nice effect with the repetition here: "I left the small town we lived in at 18, I left as soon as I could, the same week we graduated."
I changed that sentence after I had hit publish because I was sitting around thinking, "I don't use enough comma splices." We do a lot of comma splices in Swedish and I love the effect, but it is, as far as I can tell, considered somewhat ungrammatical in English, so I've been reluctant to do it. But if I like them, I shouldn't let that stop me!
Certainly not. And it works better than the em-dash which (looking at the draft again) totally eclipsed the repetition and its effect.
See the work of Indiana writer in the US, David Gay.
His work illustrates the beauty of comma-splices, which I have not heard of, not that term before anyhow, but already deeply respect its accuracy in movie-making.
Telling the story.
We think in capsuled layers. We speak this way too. English teaching in school tried to break us from it, but the study creative non-fiction, writing memoir, revives this dancing form, speaking to the reader, exactly as the art emerges from the source.
Thank you.🎻🎶💃🏻😘👍
Lovely piece, reminded me of something I was going to write about (but don't feel the need to anymore). When I moved to the US at age 10, I sought friendship in those who had the same brown skin color. When that didn't work and I got a little older, I looked for those who had a shared immigrant experience. When that didn't work, I looked for a type of inner character. I think my final stage of evolution was finding people who were striving to be something despite their character.
such a thoughtfully written take on friendship & seeing people differently. i think to add on, sometimes ww ourselves need to be in a different space (maturity, life phase) to appreciate different friendships. oftentimes, we don’t give context & luck / chance enough credit when it comes to relationships. i.e. would i have truly bonded with that person to get past the superficiality if we had not been thrown together by complete chance into a class group
💕💕💕💕💕💕
You can tell you really love well by these vignettes.
This is so wise. For the last many years people I valued self selected away. As a retired person knocking on 70, it’s not so easy to find friends. Though I found a very close friend at the phone store and later Weight Watchers! People are very busy these days and don’t have time for friendship. Thank you for this.
Wonderful essay!
Thought provoking, excellent essay.
Lovely piece! My two cents, perhaps it really isn't about misreading people. But rather, aligning with them when you're both in the same season / phase in life. Not so much of a "Oh, there you are," but a "Oh, NOW, we're on the same boat!"