I have kept this in my unread emails for nearly a month, after having opened it day it arrived in the inbox and gotten a couple-few paragraphs in before realizing it was something I needed time, and space, to take in word by word.
I've been there -- multiple times. Amazingly many times. Stuff like staring at the chicken thinking about antibiotics and discussing a bite of lamb is common, understandable, and human. You illustrate it well. And unfortunately, since I've seen this happen so often, I sometimes take the role of your mother, the one who sees when the last threshold of 'coming back' is passed and realizes the rest is just keeping everyone as comfortable as possible.
You did a good service, to yourself, to your family, and to others who have experienced grief from death, in writing this as detailed and intimately as you have.
Where to go to sleep after all of this?
I have kept this in my unread emails for nearly a month, after having opened it day it arrived in the inbox and gotten a couple-few paragraphs in before realizing it was something I needed time, and space, to take in word by word.
I've been there -- multiple times. Amazingly many times. Stuff like staring at the chicken thinking about antibiotics and discussing a bite of lamb is common, understandable, and human. You illustrate it well. And unfortunately, since I've seen this happen so often, I sometimes take the role of your mother, the one who sees when the last threshold of 'coming back' is passed and realizes the rest is just keeping everyone as comfortable as possible.
You did a good service, to yourself, to your family, and to others who have experienced grief from death, in writing this as detailed and intimately as you have.